Self-love In An Ethical Perspective

By Henry Nawl Thang Bik

Introduction

Self-love is one of the dimensions of love. The issue of self-love is not limited to a particular race, caste, religion, society and country rather it has transcended the boundaries and reached the whole humankind. This paper will help us to understand what is self-love, what is over self-love, how do some authors say about it, the causes of lack of self-love, various ethical issues and self-love in the light of the Bible.

1.  What is self-love?

Self-love means “to see ourselves as worthwhile creatures, valued and loved by God, gifted members of the body of Christ and bearers of the divine image,” by Gary R. Collins.[1] “Self-love is a praising the work of God in us, a work that has established a new nature that is God. This is the principle of self-love as declared by the Bible,” by Skoglund.[2]“The self is good and valuable and, therefore, ought to be loved. The true self-love is self-affirmation,” by Normal L.G.[3] “Self-love simply means ‘a person has a positive attitude about him and feels good about him,’” by Paul B.[4]

2.  What is not self-love?

It is difficult, for some people, to accept self-love as positive because they compare self-love with an attitude of superiority, egoism and stubborn self-will or self-centered pride. Self-love, however, is not an erotic or ecstatic self-adoration.[5]Arrogance is not real self-love rather it is a reflection of self-centeredness and ego. Self-love is not selfishness.People have misunderstood self-love and amalgam it with the very concept of self-center love. Paul Tillich says, “The right self-love is not self-centeredness, boasting, pride,self-seeking, self-glory, and self-promoting higher than others.”[6]

3.     How do some authors say about self-love?

a)     James says, “A person must decide to care for himself.”[7]

b)    Maslow says, “Without self-love there can be no love for others.””[8]

c)     Walter Trobisch says, “You cannot love neighbor, you cannot love God unless you first love yourself.”[9]

d)     Lawrence Crabb says, “Our ability to love God and to love our neighbor is limited by our ability to love ourselves. We cannot love God more than we love our neighbor and we cannot love our neighbor more than we love ourselves, so love yourself, Christian, as you should love others.”[10]

e)     David. H. Field, “Failure to lose love self, puts us in the false position of despising what God loves.”[11]

f)      J.W. Jepson says, “We are unable to love others because we have not learned to love ourselves.”[12]

g)     Stewart D. Goveg says. “Man is God’s highest earthly creature, lifted above all other earthly creatures in being made in the image of God. Thus man becomes responsibly aware, meant to be God’s child.”[13]

h)  A.B.V. Kavilpad says, “When you start caring about yourself you start loving somebody.”[14]

i)    Rudolf Bultmann says, “It is consequently meaningless to say that self-love is the foundation to love others.”[15]

j)       Martin Luther said, “Self has to be annihilated, loving oneself is a vicious love which had to be destroyed.”[16]

k)    Rabbi Hillel says, “If you are not for yourself who will be? But, if you are for yourself alone—what are you.”[17]

4.  The Results of Lack of Self-love

Many had things can be resulted due to lack of self-love. Some of them are mentioned as the followings:

a)     Self-isolation: Lack of self-love results self-isolation and loneliness. One can think him/herself to be alone even among thousands and millions of people if there is self-isolation and loneliness in her/his life. These loneliness and self-isolation are caused by the lack of self-love, which has to be destroyed because it is not good to be alone and we never be alone.

b)    Self-inferiority: When a person fails to love him/herself, life becomes a bid fat zero. He/she thinks him/herself nothing and inferior than others. Even when he or she prays he/she can’t find relief as if the Lord doesn’t even like her/him.[18]

c)     Emotional Pain: one major source of emotional pain is lack of self-worth and love.[19]

d)    Fear: Fear is also a result of self-love.[20] The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

e) Over eating and under eating: Both over eating and under eating are expressions of the same disease—lack of self-love.[21] According to Paul, “We must be fit enough.”

5.  Some Ethical Issues

The following ethical issues are caused when one doesn’t love him/herself in the society in which he/she seeks his/her won fleshly desires not considering of moral right.

a)     Suicide: There can be many reasons for committing suicide. One of them is due to lack of self-love.[22] Not only it is lack of self-love or self-worth, it is disrespecting the whole community, disobedient to God, and destroying God’s own image.

b)    Abortion and Hostility toward Children: There is a direct relationship between the lack of self-acceptance, the hostility toward the body and the hostility toward children. He who does not have a positive relationship to his/her body will find it difficult to reach a positive relationship to the child/ren, who is/are fruit/s of his/her body.[23]

c)     Murdering: There are, perhaps, many reasons for murdering people but one crucial reason is lack of self-love. How can a man love his fellow beings without loving first his/her own self?

d)    Sexual Immoralities: Homosexuality, prostitution, pre-marital sex, pornography, are the critical issues in the society, caused by lack of self-love. If a man/woman loves God and her/himself, he/she should maintain his/her body pure.

e)     Drug Addict: Drug addiction is one of the most critical issues in our country and many parts of the world. If the pregnant women smoke or drunk, it badly affects the growth of the fetus. It can lead even to spontaneous abortion. One of the reasons for drug addiction is lack of self-love, because if one loves his/her body he/she should not destroy it. The Bible is also against any kind of addiction and intoxication, alcoholism, narcotics or drug addiction as this harm the whole being of humans.[24]

6.  Biblical Response to Self-Love

The Bible always teaches and supports us to love ourselves but teaches us not to follow the fleshly desires like selfishness, self-boasting, pride, arrogance, egotism, overconfidence, superiority and so on.

A.   Old Testament

1.     (Gen 1: 26-27) “… Man is made in the image of God…” Therefore, how much we love ourselves, is based on how much we love God. Can anybody say that he hates God: None will say that he hates God? There, as long as we love god, we love ourselves because we are made in His own image. Who can argue His saying, “Everything is every good.” If anybody says that self-love is wrong, he opposes God. Even after the man had fallen into sin, the image of God still remains in man.

2.     Leviticus 19: 18 says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” How can we love others without loving first the very life of ourselves? How can we teach others to love themselves: the idea of self-love is found elsewhere in the Old Testament but totally opposite with the real “Self-love.” For example, in Dan 4: 30 Nebuchadnezzar said, “…..I myself have built as a royal palace…my power…my majesty.” Same idea in (Ezekiel 28: 2-3), we find, “I Will” five times. These passages cannot be considered as real self-love but rather are considered as self-boasting and pride of one’s abilities.

B.   New Testament

1.     Jesus quoted from O.T in (Mt 22: 39; Lk 10: 27, 29) “….. Love your neighbor as yourself….” It appears to be saying that self-love is the basis of loving others, that one cannot even love others unless he loves himself. If one doesn’t respect the good God created in himself, then how can he be expected to respect the good of God’s creation elsewhere.[25]

2.     ( I Cor 6: 19) “….. Your body is the temple of Holy Spirit.” (Luke 12: 10) says, “…. If anybody blasphemes against Holy Spirit cannot be forgiven.” We must, therefore, love ourselves as we are the temple of Holy Spirit so that we can, perhaps, be forgiven even if we sin against God the Father and the Son according to this passage (Lk 12: 10).

3.     Paul wrote in (Eph 5: 29), “No one hates his own self, but nourishes and cherishes it….” A man has no right to hate God’s created good in himself than anywhere else. But if men ought to love themselves, then why does the Bible not command them to do so many words (a) there is a command to self-love implied in the love of norm, “You ought to love others as you [ought to] love yourself,” (b) “You ought to love others as you [do in fact] love yourselves.”[26] Scripture teaches that we are created in the image of God and that we were created and saved on purpose. Though we may not be important or significant to anyone else, we are important to God.[27]

4.     (I John 4: 20), says, “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar….even he hates his brother whom he sees, cannot love God whom he cannot see.” In the same way, how can we tell our brothers ‘I love you,’ if we don’t love ourselves?

Conclusion

Self-love is positive, not negative in itself. But it has two dimensions—because the word “Self-love” is perfect when a person loves others, as he/she ought to love him/herself. The true self-love does not love for one’s own sake but rather both dimensions of it. As we are made in the image of God we must love ourselves at the same time we must know all others too are created in God’s image. A Christian, therefore, must love and care to the needs of others, even to the point of self-sacrifice but never fail to respect, to value him/herself as a child of God.

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[1]Gary R. Collins, “Inferiority and Self-Esteem,” Christian Counseling (West Waco Drive: Word Books Publishers, 1980), 349.

[2]E.R. Skoglund, “Self-Esteem, Self-Love,” Evangelical Dictionary of Theology (ed.) by Walter A. Elwell (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Book House, 1985), 997-998.

[3]Norman L. Geisler, Ethics: Alternatives and Issues (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 1988), 142.

[4]Paul Brownback, The Danger of Self-love (Chicago: Moody Press, 1982), 14.

[5]Gary R. Collins, “Inferiority and Self-Esteem,” Christian Counseling., 349.

[6]Paul Tillich, The Courage to Be (New Heaven: Yale University Press, 1985), 22.

[7]Paul Brownback, The Danger of Self-Love., 46.

[8]Jay Adams, The Biblical View of Self-love, Self-esteem and Self-image (Eugen, Oregon: Harvest House Publisher, 2005), 35.

[9]Walter Trobisch, Love Yourself(Downers Grove: Inter-Varsity Press, 1978), 11.

[10]Lawrence Crabb, Effective Biblical Counseling (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2008), 80.

[11]David. H. Field, “Love,” New Dictionary of Christian Ethics and Pastoral Theology (ed.) David J. Atkinso and David H. Field (Leicester: Inter-varsity Press, 1995), 14.

[12]J.W. Jepson, Don’t Blame It All on Adam (Downers Grove: Inter-varsity Press, 1984), 85.

[13]Stewart D. Goveg, “Selfishness,” Baker’s Dictionary of Christian Ethics (ed.) by Carl F. H. Henry (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1973), 613.

[14]A.B.V. Kavilpad, SMS 4UR Friends & Lovers (Thrissur: H&C Publishing House, 2007), 13.

[15]Michal Harpar, The Love Affair (Toronto: Hodder and Stoughton, 1989), 95.

[16]Michal Harpar., 194.

[17]Robert H. Schuller, Be Happy You Are Loved (London: Bantan Book, 1988), 95.

[18]Jay E. Adam, The Christian Counselor’s Casebook (Philipsburg: Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company, 1984), 40.

[19]Paul D. Meier, Frank B. Minirth and Frank B. Wichern, “The Spiritual Basic Emotional Problem,” Introduction to Psychology and Counseling Christian Perspectives and Applications (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1989), 345.

[20]Walter Trobisch, Love Yourself., 31.

[21]Walter Trobisch., 33.

[22]M. Stephen, Introducing Christian Ethics (Kashmere Gate: ISPCK, 2005), 276.

[23]Walter Trobisch., 30.

[24]M. Stephen, Introducing Christian Ethics., 279-281.

[25]Norman L. Geisler, “Christian and Self-love,” Ethics: Alternatives and Issues.,152.

[26]Norman L. Geisler., 152.

[27]RobetsonMcQuilkin, “Love For Self,” An Introduction to Biblical Ethics (Wheaton: Tydale House Publishers, 1995), 21.